Sunday, August 29, 2010

The Brunchcapades: Part Seven

Date: Saturday August 8, 2010

Time: 1:15 pm

Location: School Bakery and Cafe, 70 Fraser Street

What's in a name: School is a concept restaurant. They have a timetable (contact us), a Dean's list (the menu)and detention time (whatever that means it's Monday to Friday from 3:30 to 7:00). The room is meant to resemble a classroom but only does so with clocks and chalkboards. And I think I saw a shiny red apple somewhere. The beautiful exposed brick takes away from the sentiment but I'm glad because the last thing I want to do is go back to school.

I swear, I am not really that hard to please. I just know what’s up and more often than not, nothing is up. I’m going to make this short but sweet – well maybe sweet isn’t the correct adjective but you catch my drift. Do not go to School Bakery and Cafe. Do not even stop in Liberty Village. Do not try to sit on a patio that faces east then puts the awning up so that there is zero sun to be had. I made the mistake so that you don’t have to.

Here’s the thing, it doesn’t taste bad and the service doesn’t suck.

The problem is that School has had write ups and line ups and all kinds of praise and glory and all that jazz but for what? I will retort to my opening statement; nothing.

They claim to be a bakery yet the aroma of freshly baked wheat and warm, melt the butter kind of bread fails to show up. Instead, the cheddar chive biscuit beneath my benny is so dry that it is crumbling and with every slash of the knife the situation gets worse. It’s a mess. I have no choice but to down two Bloody Caesars just to swallow my brunch.

Ok, that’s a bit of exaggeration but we are en route to a TFC game and have to prep for the Carlsbergs.

The burger is the same deal. The bun literally falls apart and you are left trying to hold an overly thick piece of ground meat with your bare hands.

The poached eggs are too done.

The home fries are too basic.

The servers’ knee socks are too kitschy.

Sixty dollars later, I’d give School a C+.

1 comment:

  1. I think that you must have had a subsitute chef in the kitchen. School is one of the best in the city. You miss out on the root beer cupcakes, chorizo potato omelets, eggs benni with smoked salmon and cornbread and so much more. I'm a chef and a critic. I do give second chances to poor first impressions and I suggest you do the same. Don't you're too cool for School.