Detoxing the Indetoxable

After the gastronomic indulgence that was New York City, I returned to Toronto a lot squishier than when I had left. I joked about needing a detox. This is a big joke because between my love of red wine and my affection for cold cuts and cheese, I am the last candidate for sacrifice.

Well, you know the saying, 'be careful what you wish for'? It's true. The day after I came home, the mild sore throat that I had been nursing (running around New York City) turned for the worse. As I travelled further down the sick road, the fever got higher and higher and my tonsils whiter and whiter. My journey hit a high point when I spent nine hours in emergency.

I have been in a horizontal position for six days and have had a fever for five of those. Popping pills like candy and talking like the Godfather are two other of my symptoms. Am I hungry? Not really and thank god because I cannot eat. I have been living off bananas, baby food, apple sauce, soup (broth with soft noodles) and water.

What I am is skinnier and happy for it but after watching The Food Network for 122 hours, I cannot wait to go to a restaurant. Hell, I’ll even settle for the energy to make myself something that doesn’t come out of a jar. I feel some mac ‘n’ cheese coming on as soon as I can stand by a stove. It’s soft, I can do it.

As anyone that likes to eat can attest, we often overdo it on nights’ out, weekends and vacations. We get back to reality when we either step on a scale or realize that our jeans aren’t looking as good on us as they were pre-pig out. I knew I had over done it when the thought of just sitting in my jeans sent feelings of uncomfort through my abdomen.

I swore it was cut back time and I kind of did a bit of it until I was forced into starvation by my weakened immune system. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the gluttony and will continue to indulge. It has afterall, become my panache for travelling.